"So, how is married life?" I am asked this question by nearly everyone I have
seen since the wedding 2 weeks ago. While it is a perfectly legitimate question
that I have asked newly weds numerous times, I never realized how complicated
the answer could be. I typically have responded to the question with the
expected, "Oh, it's great!" while chatting with someone outside of church or
when they come through my check-out line at Bi-Lo. While this answer is
certainly true, I feel that it really elicits a deeper response than that. It
is not simply great. It most definitely is, but it's also hard. It's
complicated. It's exhausting. But it's what keeps me going.
Following our honeymoon (a wonderfully magical week at Disney World), Jared and I
returned to a hectic and exhausting week of work. This week (and next week)
Jared has been working 12+ hour days, usually leaving the house at 6:30am
and not getting home until between 8 and 9. Our days have
been starting at 5:30am (an hour that I never thought I would ever be willingly
waking up at). After Jared leaves, I usually spend my day doing a combination
of cleaning, laundry, cooking, and errands, until I have to go into work.
Depending on the day, I usually get home anywhere between 4 and 10pm. We
probably see eachother for maybe 2 hours a day usually, and those hours are
either early in the morning or at night, both of which are times when one or
both of us is feeling the need to sleep (well...it's usually me...).
While we haven't had much time to discuss it, from the conversations we have had,
Jared and I have both gone through the same sort of mental process about this.
On the one hand, I feel like this is not what marriage is supposed to be.
I love my marriage, but a part of me sometimes feels like "if we can just make it
through this, then things will be like they should be." But the thought has been
occurring the both of us--maybe this is what marriage is like.
And looking around, I see that often times it is.
This is most people's life. They start early in the morning, one or both of them
heads off to work, they maybe get a little time together in the evening, and
then it is time for bed and time start all over again. The only difference
between us and them is the fact that it is just the two of us. Most people
living this life have kids, as well. So it is not just the two of them--it is
an entire family living this life.
Looking at marriage through this lens, it's no wonder that so many around us say that
marriage is of so little value, and is so destined for failure, or that the
success of a marriage is simply found in whether or not it ends in divorce. But
thankfully for us, this is not the case. I'll admit, things are hard. I might
get discouraged and I might do some crying from time to time. But no matter
what, this is worth it. And no matter what, Jared and I are held together by
more than just ourselves. We can already see that "a cord of three strands is
not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). I think that we can both already see
that if this marriage was built only on our own human love for one another, we
would falter and fail under the pressures of life. But thankfully, not only can
we hold onto each other, but God is holding us all the while. And the strength
of our marriage is in a large part reflective of the strength of our
relationship with Christ. As I become more connected with God, I can become
more connected with my husband, no matter how little time we have to spend
together.
This aspect of things is particularly hard for me. If we go by the concept of the love languages, mine
would definitely be quality time (although to me, I feel like they are all
great, which is why I don't always put a huge amount of weight on that, although
it can certainly be a very helpful and practical tool to help better understand
eachother). When I don't spend enough time with Jared, I can very easily start
to feel very disconnected, and it can trigger the emotional rollercoaster of
breakdowns to begin. I know, however, that we are connected by more than just
the time we spend together and the conversations we have. And I can even see
the blessings through the hardships in our situation. Through being where we
are, we have the opportunity to spend our days praying for eachother--asking God
to bless the other and comfort them while we are away. I have the opportunity
to spend as much time as I can cleaning our little apartment, and trying to
create a real home for Jared to come home to at night. And all the while, as I
clean our apartment and as I do our laundry and as I cook, I am able to know
that I am doing it all for him. And it gives me the strength to do it all. I
get to save up all the funny stories and interesting things that happen all day
to tell him when I see him at night. I hate it when I have to work late and I
am not home when he gets home, but even in that there is joy, because it gives
me the chance to write him a note to leave for when he gets home. We also get
to see the way that God is going before us and providing for us. We can see
that in the amount of hours that Jared is working these couple of weeks. He
knows what we need, and He will provide.
So, in answer to the question "How is married life?", I think the most appropriate
response is that God is good, and we are blessed. Marriage is sweet, but only
when God is in the center. Some may think that I am naive and that it is too
early for me to be saying these things, and who knows--maybe it is. I certainly
don't have all the answers, but I am eager to learn more of them every day. I
am blessed beyond measure with a loving, caring, hard working husband, and with
a God who will never leave me nor forsake me.
seen since the wedding 2 weeks ago. While it is a perfectly legitimate question
that I have asked newly weds numerous times, I never realized how complicated
the answer could be. I typically have responded to the question with the
expected, "Oh, it's great!" while chatting with someone outside of church or
when they come through my check-out line at Bi-Lo. While this answer is
certainly true, I feel that it really elicits a deeper response than that. It
is not simply great. It most definitely is, but it's also hard. It's
complicated. It's exhausting. But it's what keeps me going.
Following our honeymoon (a wonderfully magical week at Disney World), Jared and I
returned to a hectic and exhausting week of work. This week (and next week)
Jared has been working 12+ hour days, usually leaving the house at 6:30am
and not getting home until between 8 and 9. Our days have
been starting at 5:30am (an hour that I never thought I would ever be willingly
waking up at). After Jared leaves, I usually spend my day doing a combination
of cleaning, laundry, cooking, and errands, until I have to go into work.
Depending on the day, I usually get home anywhere between 4 and 10pm. We
probably see eachother for maybe 2 hours a day usually, and those hours are
either early in the morning or at night, both of which are times when one or
both of us is feeling the need to sleep (well...it's usually me...).
While we haven't had much time to discuss it, from the conversations we have had,
Jared and I have both gone through the same sort of mental process about this.
On the one hand, I feel like this is not what marriage is supposed to be.
I love my marriage, but a part of me sometimes feels like "if we can just make it
through this, then things will be like they should be." But the thought has been
occurring the both of us--maybe this is what marriage is like.
And looking around, I see that often times it is.
This is most people's life. They start early in the morning, one or both of them
heads off to work, they maybe get a little time together in the evening, and
then it is time for bed and time start all over again. The only difference
between us and them is the fact that it is just the two of us. Most people
living this life have kids, as well. So it is not just the two of them--it is
an entire family living this life.
Looking at marriage through this lens, it's no wonder that so many around us say that
marriage is of so little value, and is so destined for failure, or that the
success of a marriage is simply found in whether or not it ends in divorce. But
thankfully for us, this is not the case. I'll admit, things are hard. I might
get discouraged and I might do some crying from time to time. But no matter
what, this is worth it. And no matter what, Jared and I are held together by
more than just ourselves. We can already see that "a cord of three strands is
not quickly broken" (Ecclesiastes 4:12). I think that we can both already see
that if this marriage was built only on our own human love for one another, we
would falter and fail under the pressures of life. But thankfully, not only can
we hold onto each other, but God is holding us all the while. And the strength
of our marriage is in a large part reflective of the strength of our
relationship with Christ. As I become more connected with God, I can become
more connected with my husband, no matter how little time we have to spend
together.
This aspect of things is particularly hard for me. If we go by the concept of the love languages, mine
would definitely be quality time (although to me, I feel like they are all
great, which is why I don't always put a huge amount of weight on that, although
it can certainly be a very helpful and practical tool to help better understand
eachother). When I don't spend enough time with Jared, I can very easily start
to feel very disconnected, and it can trigger the emotional rollercoaster of
breakdowns to begin. I know, however, that we are connected by more than just
the time we spend together and the conversations we have. And I can even see
the blessings through the hardships in our situation. Through being where we
are, we have the opportunity to spend our days praying for eachother--asking God
to bless the other and comfort them while we are away. I have the opportunity
to spend as much time as I can cleaning our little apartment, and trying to
create a real home for Jared to come home to at night. And all the while, as I
clean our apartment and as I do our laundry and as I cook, I am able to know
that I am doing it all for him. And it gives me the strength to do it all. I
get to save up all the funny stories and interesting things that happen all day
to tell him when I see him at night. I hate it when I have to work late and I
am not home when he gets home, but even in that there is joy, because it gives
me the chance to write him a note to leave for when he gets home. We also get
to see the way that God is going before us and providing for us. We can see
that in the amount of hours that Jared is working these couple of weeks. He
knows what we need, and He will provide.
So, in answer to the question "How is married life?", I think the most appropriate
response is that God is good, and we are blessed. Marriage is sweet, but only
when God is in the center. Some may think that I am naive and that it is too
early for me to be saying these things, and who knows--maybe it is. I certainly
don't have all the answers, but I am eager to learn more of them every day. I
am blessed beyond measure with a loving, caring, hard working husband, and with
a God who will never leave me nor forsake me.
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