Throughout the time that Jared and I dated, we were both pretty open and clear
about the fact that we were not just dating for fun--this was purposeful dating,
and the purpose was, hopefully, if it was God's will, eventual marriage.  We
assumed, however, that this would take place after we graduated, as that seems
to be the expected timing of relationships in the US.  At the beginning of
Christmas break, however, through a lot of different things bringing it to our
attention, we both started considering the possibility of marrying while still
in college.  This was during the first week of Christmas break, and I was home
in Clemson while he was home in Clover.  We had several phone and skype
conversations discussing different possibilities, and we both took that week to
really think and pray through the possibility individually.  During this week of
prayer, I felt that God placed on my mind and heart that Jared and I would be
getting married this summer.  Wait...what?!  This summer?  That's in like, 6
months!  I was sure I was crazy.  At this point. Jared was only thinking about
maybe the next summer (summer of 2013), and even with that he was still
hesitant.  I tend to be a bit unrealistic at times, but thankfully I have fiance
who is very practical and can see situations very clearly and rationally.  So
when this thought crossed my mind, I began praying through it, wondering if it
was me trying to push for this, or if it was really God giving me this idea and
desire.  So after spending some time in prayer over it, I decided to simply
surrender it to God, trusting that His will would be done.  I said, "God, I am
not going to say anything about this to Jared.  If this is your will for our
lives, then please let him come to me and tell me that he wants to get married
this summer."  I knew, however, that he wouldn't do this.  An idea like that
would usually only come from my crazy head (unless, however, God was involved). 
So, I laid it to rest. 

The next week, Jared
came to visit me.  We spent that week talking through possibilities, and talking
to my parents.  One night, as we were talking, Jared looked at me, and to my
disbelief, these words came out of his mouth, "So, why don't we get married this
summer?"  ... What?  Did he really say that?  I was astounded to say the least. 
So we began to talk about this possibility, and the many opportunities that
would go along with that.

Then ensued an
extremely hard yet fruitful rest of the break, which mostly consisted of prayer.
  We sought the cousel of many different people, looking for different
perspectives on the subject, seeking marriage advice, but ultimately being true
to the calling that God had placed on our lives.  It was a long and hard
process.  But through extended times of prayer and time spent in the Word, Jared
and I both individually received an enourmous amount of peace and assurance
concerning our upcoming marriage, despite every difficulty we know will
accompany it.  We see that God is working in us, and that He is calling us. 
When God calls, we must listen.  And that is what we have tried to do.  We are
keeping our ears open to God's call, and our eyes open to His work.  We trust
that he is our perfect guide--we may not know the way to go, but we know our
guide.  And He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Because of that, we can walk
in obedience, trusting Him to be our guide. 


So on January 2nd, during the last week before
returning to school, came the moment of truth.  I was at the Poulton's house in
Clover, and Jared and I were sitting at the kitchen table talking.  Before I
knew it, Jared had gotten up, gone to the closet, and pulled out a towel and
basin.  He filled the basin with water, grabbed some soap, and took me into the
living room.  I sat on the couch, and he proceeded to get down on the floor, and
to wash my feet.  I sat there astounded, not really believing it was real.  When
he had finished, he stood me up, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry
him.  And, go figure, I said yes!  I am so blessed to have a man who is willing
to humble himself, and to serve me, doing his best to love me the way that
Christ loves His church.  Not only have I learned countless things through our
relationship about marriage (which I will most likely share in a later post),
but I also have learned so much about God's love for us.  The way that God
intensely desires to be with us.  The way that He was willing to humble Himself
in order to serve us.  And the way that everything He does, He does for our best
interest.  He will never lead us astray.  And we can rest in that.

Once upon a time there was a young girl, crippled with insecurity that had built
up over years and years, desperately in need of the true healing and grace found
only in a complete and utter dependence on Christ Jesus as Savior and Lord. She
lived a fairly "good" life as a kid and an early teen.  She went to youth group
every week, helped to lead Bible studies and prayer group, and sincerely did
love God and want to follow Him.  She eventually decided, however, that she
thought that she could do a better job of planning her life and filling her need
for God's love than God could.  So she tried to take control.  She chased after
the world and what it had to offer, and desperately longed after what she saw
before her.  To her dissappointment, however, she began to realize that the more
of the world she got, the more empty and void her life and her soul was.  So
eventually, with many tears, heartaches, and emotional scars, she was drawn back
into the scarred arms of her Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, where he whispered to
her "My child, I love you.  Your sins are forgiven.  I will never leave you nor
forsake you.  I take great delight in you. I will rejoice over you with
singing." 

As you may have guessed, that young
girl was me.  I am a living picture of the grace of God, and I thank Him daily
for giving me the life that he has, and giving it to me abundantly.  Despite
every way that I attempted to fill myself with things that were not God, and no
matter how much I attempted to worship the creature rather than the Creator, God
had a divine plan through it all, and He has brought it to pass perfectly. 
Today, I cling ever more tightly to the grace that God has held out to me--with
a very clear view of my sin, but an even clearer view of my Savior.  I was able
to find healing for every single scar left on my heart in Christ Jesus, and am,
by the grace of God, running the race set before me.

So.
That is my story.  Really it is only part of it.  But that is a glimpse into a
small segment of my testimony that I felt would give a good framwork for telling
my current story.  You can't really understand where a person's going unless you
know where they've been.  So there it is.  That is an honest view of what my
heart battled through, and the way that God showed himself faithful to His
precious daughter.  It is painful to remember those times, but I wanted to share
it in the hope that maybe it will touch someone. Maybe someone can relate to my
story, and hearing about the grace that God has poured out upon me can encourage
you and help you to see the power of healing and restoration found in the
gospel.  That is my prayer and my reason for sharing these
thoughts.

So now you're probably wondering when
Jared will come into this story. Well, he is coming.  Near the end of the summer
and after coming to school at USC, God began to release me from many of the
insecurities that I had battled, and began to show me how to grasp the freedom
offered in the gospel.  I realized that God had a perfect plan for my life that
was just for me--I didn't need to be anyone but myself.  So I began to delve
deeper and deeper into the person and work of Jesus Christ, wanting to
understand more fully the gift of grace and life that I had received, and how to
rest in my identity found in Christ Jesus. 

Right around
this time, I happened to run into a very nice, godly, polite, funny, not to
mention super cute guy named Jared.  I don't want to dwell too much on the
details of when we first met--to make a long story short, we hit it off very
quickly.  Over the first few days after meeting, we ran into each other pretty
much every where we met, and both realized pretty quickly that we really enjoyed
spending time together.  We started to hang out on campus between
classes--grabbing lunch or some coffee, and having conversations about church
history, theology, and worship styles, to name a few. 

It became evident
that we were both quite interested in each other, and we actually had our first
conversation about dating ten days after meeting.  This was not, however, God's
timing, and for many reason--both valid and not so valid--we decided to wait. 
This was an extremely hard decision to make, but it was, however, a time of
immense growth for both of us.  During this time, God helped me to get to a
point where I could look at the situation and know that if I wasn't supposed to
be with Jared, then I would be just fine.  I got to a point of complete trust in
God's plan, whatever that was.  And I had to give up control, which was one of
the hardest and most painful things I could have had to do.  I realized that my
job was not to make things work out.  From the very beginning, I had a definie
peace and sense from God that this was going to work out--I felt that God really
did communicate to me that I was going to be with Jared.  The ultimate test,
however, was to see whether I trusted Him enough to give Jared up--trusting God
to give him back to me if it was His will.  So, I did.  It hurt.  It was hard. 
But I decided that I would never talk to Jared about us dating again unless he
brought it up.  I would be his friend, but I wouldn't try to make anything
happen--I wouldn't try to read into everything he said.  I would take our
friendship for what it was and be content with
that.

It's funny the way God works.  He
certainly has a sense of humor and a knack for irony.  Shortly after coming to
this decision, we went on fall break.  I decided while going home that I was not
going to talk to Jared during the 4 day break unless he contacted me.  I was
ready to stick to this decision even if it killed me.  Well...guess who
contacted me every day during break? 

I don't
want to tell his whole side of the story without him here, but suffice it to say
that Jared spent a lot of the break having people asking him why in the world we
weren't dating and telling him that we were perfect for eachother.  He had a lot
of things he had been working through, and God was preparing him for some
possible transitions, so he was able to really think and pray through those over
break.  And evidently, God was re-planting the seed about us back in his brain. 


Sunday afternoon when I got home, I was at my sister's,
sitting there holding my phone, and really wanting to text him to see if he was
back yet.  But I stuck to my previous decision to not contact him over the
break, and as school had not yet started, I thought that it still applied.  No
sooner had I had this thought, I get a text from Jared, asking if I was back
yet.  Yet again...yay irony.  So, long story short, we ended up going to
Starbucks to grab some coffee, and somehow, by the end of the conversation, we
were dating. 

And thus is began.  Then ensued
a wonderful two months of dating, full of joy and laughter, pain and tears.  It
has by no means been as easy road. But God has been faithful, and has blessed
our relationship more than we could have imagined.  We have learned more in the
last two months than I ever knew anyone could.  God is faithful, and He will
never leave us nor forsake us.  What a glorious truth.  And I am so blessed to
have someone who constantly points me towards Christ--reminds me where to find
my true identity, where to find true healing and security. I thank God daily for
giving me a man with such a love for me but an even greater love for his Savior.
  I am incredibly blessed.